


I can make the pain disappear

by AmastreIsBack



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Identity Reveal, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23096059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmastreIsBack/pseuds/AmastreIsBack
Summary: The fact that Lena possessed kryptonite and can synthesize it shook her friendship with Supergirl ... and with Kara.They slowly draw closer again. Trust must grow again. But something is different. Something that neither of them can name at first.While Lena works for the DEO and supports Kara, she realizes that she was blind for many things around her: for the fight the DEO fights, for Supergirls friends and for the secrets in Kara's life.And Kara understands that she has hurt Lena more than she realized and that it is getting harder and harder to separate Supergirl and Kara.Events take off as people disappear. Without a clue. Without a connection.Lena must learn that Supergirl is not invulnerable. And Kara must realize that her trust in Lena can save lives, even her own.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor/Supergirl
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	1. Sour at sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> This story is just something to take my mind of the recent pandemic crisis.  
> Enjoy! But be patient with my English as it is not my first language.  
> I don't know if it's really going to be "mature" and I really don't know how long it is going to be.  
> I have a plot planned and structured, but who knows what crosses my mind while writing.

An eerie silence spread between them. They looked at each other, almost as if they didn't even take a breath.  
„Okay”, Kara said. „Okay, I accept that.”  
She didn’t regret sending Guardian to search for the Kryptonite. She had to know if there was more. What she did regret was that she had shouted at Lena, that she was so scared that her clouded mind wasn’t able to rationalize what had happened. Lena's angry look certainly did not reveal everything, but enough to know that Supergirl would now have a tough time with Lena for a long time. Kara didn’t want to hurt her.  
„I’m going to help you and the DEO, but do not expect me to be anything other than professional.”

And Lena has been professional since then. Kara remembered the conversation while they stood in front of the countless monitors that were the heart of the operational headquaters of the DEO. J’onn explained the statistics shown on one of them and Kara didn’t listen, she watched Lena, who was standing close by taking notes. They saw each other every day, they talked, but nevertheless Kara missed Lena. Because Lena was still angry at Supergirl, not at Kara. And when they met as Kara and Lena, Kara felt terrible for not being honest with her.  
Alex nudged her and tore her from her thoughts. „Stop watching her!”, she whispered.  
„I can watch whoever whenever I want.” Kara snapped instinctivly. And immeadiately regretted it, because J’onn stopped talking. Everyone watched, even Lena.  
Their eyes met briefly, when J’onn said: „Want to share?” He raised his eyebrows and looked at Kara, who shook her head and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She tried to stand a little more upright, staring at the screen instead of Lena.

After the meeting Kara took off to her training room. She wanted to punch something hard, really hard without holding back. She was angry at herself and she didn’t know what to do about this anger that boiled so deep within her, that she could not shake it off anymore. Almost all her thoughts revolved around the mistake she made and around Lena who ignored her, ignored Supergirl everyday. It hurt. It made her furious. She wanted it to end. She slammed her fist into the training dummy. It shook slighly but remained in its anchoring.  
Only when Alex spoke, Kara realized that her sister was watching her.  
„Is there anything you want to talk about?”  
Kara froze and took a few deep breaths.  
„I’m angry. I’m really, really angry. And I can’t do something about it. I already apologized. I told her I trust her. But she keeps ignoring me. She’s cold and distant. I hate it.”  
While walking a few steps towards the training dummy, Alex scrutinized her sister, Kara could feel it. She leaned on the arm of the dummy and sighed.  
„But that’s just Supergirl, right? You met her as Kara and everything is fine, isn’t it?”  
Kara rolled her eyes and let slumped. „I am Supergirl. And no it’s not fine, because I feel horrible and I think she’s picking it up. We haven’t met for a few weeks now. No calls just a few texts.”  
„I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. I know she’s important to you, but friendships do not always go smoothly and it’s mostly just a bump in the road, not permanent.”  
Kara shook her head. „I’m lying to her and I can’t stand that I hurt her.”  
„And?” Alex expression changed.  
„What? And? I wouldn’t stand losing her. I kind of … got used to her. You know I never had a lot of close friends. I … she’s important.”  
Alex nodded. „Yeah, I figured. But I don’t like the way you’re getting out of your head. You didn’t listen to J’onn. And you watched her like some deluded teenager in love who’s love is unrequited. That’s not healthy. You’re going to make mistakes and I’m not interested to seeing you in one of those sick beds again.”  
„You didn’t say the words ’in love’, did you? What sort of crappy comparison is that?”  
Alex shrugged her shoulders: „Just think about what I said. Come to your senses! Just call Lena, have a girls night out, talk to her. Be Kara! Forget about Supergirl for a while.”

Lena paced in front of her desk. Jimmy sat across the room on the couch and watched her. It took him a few seconds, but he finally got up and walked to her. He took her wrist, stopped her from pacing and pulled her into a close hug.  
„What’s bothering you?”, he whispered and held her.  
Lena felt trapped, but she didn’t try to break free. She knew Jimmy wanted to help. He was a good guy and there was no harm in a hug. Even a close one. Lena had instinctively wrapped her arms around him. Her head rested on his chest and she could hear his steady heartbeat.  
„I don’t know.” Well, she knew somehow. His heartbeat should have been soothing, his embrace comforting and his closeness uplifiting. But they weren’t. It felt wrong being in his arms. And she couldn’t even say if it was him or her. She just felt totally out of tune since the Kryptonite incident with Supergirl. She had Jimmy and his trust and care, but she felt as if something more profound was missing. Something more valueable than that. And this thought alone said enough about her feelings for him.  
She released herself from his embrace and took a few steps back. „Kara sent me a text, she wants to meet … tonight.”  
„Don’t we have dinner plans?” Jimmy raised an eyebrow.  
„I’m sorry Jimmy, let’s have dinner tomorrow. Okay?”  
Jimmy sighed and turned away. He rubbed his neck and sighed again. „Okay. Okay. I understand.”  
„Thank you.” And Lena quickly placed a kiss on his cheek, before he could get close to kissing her.  
When he looked at her, while leaving the office, Lenas heart hurt a bit. She had to tell him that there was nothing left of the first rush of emotions she had when they started dating. Nothing except for a deep friendship. 

They met in some fancy bar downtown for drinks. The music was chill and the light soft. Kara was already sitting at the reserved table for a few minutes when Lena appeared. She looked stunning as always: a tight black dress, black high heels and red lips. But all Kara could see was the enthusiastic smile on those lips. She was relieved. After all those weeks seeing Lena tensed and angry, she almost forgot how contagious Lenas rare smile was. And for a second she forgot she was Supergirl.  
„Hi, it’s so good to see you.”  
They fell into their regular friendly hug. Kara took a deep breath, more relieve washing over her. For this blink of an eye time stood still.  
„It’s good to see you, too.” Kara smiled and her thoughts drifed away for a second. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. She couldn’t stop thinking those words until Lena sat down. She wanted to say those words.  
„I’m sorry, I was so entangled in work that I forgot about you.” Lena apologized and smiled.  
„You don’t need to apologize”, Kara said quickly, „I was neck deep in … research too.”  
„Some Supergirl drama?” Lenas expression darkened for a second.  
Kara hesitated. „No … no. Just plain old … bribery and corruption.”  
They looked at each other. The music seemed to get louder, the room darker and Karas gaze locked onto Lenas green eyes as if she has never seen her before. Her focus blurred. Her head felt suddenly light and liberated. She couldn’t help but smile. And Lena returned that smile.  
„What’s up?”  
Kara shrugged her shoulders. „Nothing. I’m just really happy to see you.”  
Lena winked. „Wait until I start ranting about Supergirl. You’re going to wish you never asked to meet in the first place.”  
„I missed talking to you. If you need to rant about Supergirl, please let it all out!” Just saying the words made Karas heart skip a few beats. The illusion of just being able to be Kara without being supergirl vanished. She looked at Lena. She saw Lenas serious and self-confident glance and guilt flooded her mind and all those warm and comfortable feelings that were the basis of their friendship disappeard in its spray.  
Lena sighed. She didn’t answer. She just grabbed the menue. „Let’s get drinks! Maybe I need some liquid courage first.”  
Then she smiled faintly. „It’s somehow comforting to see you and your friendly smile. Working with Supergirl involves much more seriousness and drama than I expected. There’s always some damsel in distress, some crisis to prevent. It’s completely different from the corporate world. If I’m too lazy to solve a crisis the hard way, I just pay an obscene amount of money and the crisis vanishes.”  
Lena suddenly seemed much more exhausted than Kara had realized. And Kara stumbled upon the thought, that she wanted to hold Lena and take some of the stress away. What an odd thought.  
A waiter came to their table and they ordered: Lena a Scotch Sour and Kara a Tequila Sunrise. The waiter smiled. „Ladies, it is rare that I have an order that suits the guests so well. I'll be right back with your drinks. Thank you.”  
„He meant that as a compliment, didn’t he?” Kara looked at Lena questioningly.  
Lena nodded. „I suppose. But I wouldn’t say that I identify with a Scotch Sour.”  
„But your mood seems to be a bit sour.”  
Kara knew she shouldn’t have said that. She torpedoed her own attempt to just be Kara and forget about being Supergirl.  
„Well, I am … a bit”, Lena admitted. „I tried so hard to shake of my families legacy, just to be belittled by Supergirl. Without discussion, without the chance to explain. Out of some real, I can admit it, fear, but without taking my trust and my loyalty into account.”  
And then Kara did it. She lowered her gaze and said: „I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. You don’t deserve this. And … and I know Supergirl regrets her reaction.”  
„Supergirl apologized. And I really believe that she is sorry how everything went down. But that doesn’t help. My trust is shaken.”  
The drinks were places on their table. „Enjoy!” The waiter said cheerfully and disappeared back into the crowd.

Lena looked at Kara, watched how Kara adjusted her glasses nervously, before she looked back at Lena. Her blue eyes had lost some of their sparkle. Karas caring compassion was addictive. It was one part of their friendship she missed. The feeling of being accepted and heard. At the DEO she felt like third wheel. She felt like everyone was still suspicous concering her intentions. And how could they not, when even Supergirl did not her completely.  
„I wish Supergirl would show some of your compassion. But well … I suppose I’m going to have to talk to her again.” Lena smiled.  
„Yes, that would be essential. Otherwise it might be more difficult for her to get through to you.” And Kara returned Lenas smile. The mood lightened a bit. Lena loved Karas smile. Sometimes she wanted to bath in this glow until she felt all warm and carefree. She took Karas hand across the table and held it for a second.  
„Thank you for listening.”  
Kara shrugged. Her skin felt rough, as she pulled her hand away from Lenas. It was the first time Lena noticed it. Kara looked so soft and feminine, but her hands told of hard work. And the pressure of her fingers when she released her hand was firm and strong. For just a second the mental image of Kara flickered in Lenas mind. It changed to someone more powerful and confident, but loving and considerate, too. Someone she felt strangely drawn to. The image faded and all that was left was Karas broad smile as she asked: „Let’s talk about something more light than work. Have you already seen the last Star Wars?”


	2. Too familiar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still trying to get going, so the story's still a little rough. I am familiar with the characters, but not familiar enough. So you are watching me trying to understand the chemistry between them. Enjoy!

Even though alcohol had no effect whatsoever on her, Kara felt tired and drained from her night with Lena.  
„I’ve never actually seen you look like shit.” Alex grinned at Kara, while putting her holster on. Kara leaned in the doorway and sighed deeply.  
„I’m probably sort of hung over.” She yawned and rubbed her eyes. „But I have to pull myself together, Lena doesn’t need one more hint to who Supergirl is. Not now.”  
Alex checked her weapons and Kara sensed that she avoided her gaze. A faint smile played on Alex lips.  
„So the evening went great? Lena still likes Kara?”  
„Yes … yes of course she does. I … well”, Kara started stuttering, „yes I questioned it. But I think our friendship is as strong as ever. Even though I have such a guilty conscience. I had my reasons, they are vaild … but … god, Alex, I’m just happy that Lena talks to me.”  
„I figured that. And Supergirl?”  
Kara shrugged. „I don’t know. I am Kara, I am Supergirl. And I can’t seperate my feelings for Lena.”  
Now Alex raised her head and watched her sister closely. „Okay.” She just said and smiled.  
„What? I am both and I want both of them to be friends with Lena and saying that sound schizoprenic.”  
Alex’ smile made Kara realize her choice of words. She was friends with Lena, there was nothing to question. And she couldn’t bear the thought that this might change. When she came home last night, her head was filled with words and images of their conversation. The jokes made, the comfort of being able to effortlessly switch between talking about their daily worries, some idle gossip at CatCo and the experiences they missed sharing with each other, like the fancy Korean BBQ place Lena discovered without Kara. Kara had induldged herself in the memory of Lenas smile, Lena watching her, Lena lowering her gaze, Lena biting her lip, before falling asleep completely exhausted by her emotional rollercoaster.  
„Maybe Supergirl has to be a little bit more Kara and Kara a little bit more Supergirl.”  
„Maybe. But sometimes I feel so vulnerable without this suit, that I can not be all I am when I am Supergirl.” Kara answered still deep in thought. It was odd. It felt as if the distance between her and Lena had become a burning glass that now focused all its power on Kara's feelings and magnified everything that concerned Lena.  
„Just try! I think it might help.” Alex stroked her shoulder. „Come on! Let’s see who’s already here besides us!”

Lena had a hell of a headache. During the evening she had lost count of the drinks they had. She hoped Kara felt at least half as hungover as she did. She already texted her, but Kara hadn’t answered. Not last night, when Lena said good night and not this morning, when Lena asked if she was okay. It was a strange feeling being somehow ignored after a night that was so pleasant and invigorating. And actually she didn't know why it was suddenly so important to her. Like her fight with Supergirl made her want to cling more to Kara. Feeling weak to the attention and care of just one person made Lena feel kind of sick. As if Kara could change something about her dissapointment with Supergirl. Maybe it made her feel less Luthor-evil, when someone like Kara trusted her. While Supergirl had made her feel like the super-villan she never wanted to be.  
Lena prepared a few additional blood samples and got the microscope ready, when Alex and Supergirl entered the laboratory.  
„Hey Lena, you’re early.”  
Lena raised her head. A sting of pain shot through her neck and she flinched.  
„Yeah, yes I am. I couldn’t really sleep.”  
Alex smiled. „Kara told me you had a great night, with a couple of drinks too much.”  
„She did? She didn’t answer my texts. I hope she’s as hungover as I am?”  
Supergirl walked into the room, strangely inspecting the equipment on the table next to Lena without saying something.  
Alex shrugged. „She’s tired and slept in as far as I know. What about you? Does the head rumble?”  
Lena nodded. „I am used to a glass of wine or two, but I suppose I lost count of our drinks after the third Scotch Sour.”  
Suddenly Supergirl was next to her. Her closeness felt irritating, just for a second, then some familarity passed between them. Lena took a deep breath and looked at Supergirl. For the first time in weeks she could not be angry, she was just sad and hurt. And she saw regret in Supergirls blue eyes.  
„May I help?” Supergirl asked confidently.  
Lena didn’t know what to answer. At first didn’t even understand the question, then she understood that Supergirl meant her headache.  
„What?”  
„I heard cold helps with headaches.”  
Lena nodded and then she felt Supergirls ice-cold breath on her neck. She relaxed and streched her neck under the cold.  
„Better?” Supergirl asked, her voice low and melodic. A shiver ran through Lena and she was suddenly quite sure, that this shiver was not from the cold. She cursed wordlessly instead of answering. She forced herself not to close her eyes and enjoy how the shallow pain faded under Supergirls cold breath.  
„Yes, better. Thank you.”  
Supergirl smiled. „Great.” And then she just left.  
Lena looked at Alex. „What was that?”  
Alex shrugged, but smiled. „I suppose that’s her way of saying she is still sorry, but wants to prove that she cares, even though her trust in you is kind of shaken.”  
„Don’t you think that’s a lot of meaning for one breath of air?”  
„Probably. But you didn’t seem to mind.”  
Lena sighed. She had enough trouble sorting her suddenly so mixed up feelings towards Kara that haunted her in her drunken sleep last night. She didn’t need Supergirl to be forgiving and protective towards her. It was easier being somehow at war with her and relying on Kara for friendship and trust.  
When Alex left the laboratory Lena concentrated on the samples again. Diving deep into her work would get her mind of all those irritating thoughts.

Kara rushed home after she left the laboratory. She had forgotten her mobile somewhere in her bedroom. She was sure. It had vibrated sometime last night, but Kara had been too tired to give it a second thought. When Lena said, she didn’t get any answers on her texts, a part of Kara panicked. There was no way she wanted to endanger their friendship because of some unanswered messages.  
„Kara, where are you?” Alex voices vibrated in the Karas ear.  
„At home. I have to answer those texts.”  
„J’onn wants you in the ready room. Now.”  
„Tell him … tell him … I don’t know. Just buy me ten minutes.”  
There it was. Half below her bed, buried unter the clothes of last night.  
She hastily wrote an answer.  
— I had a great night too, sorry, I am kind of wasted. How are you? Want to have a hangover breakfast for lunch?” —  
Lenas answer came quick and it was short.  
— I’m fine and yes. Let’s meet at the CatCo entrance. —  
Kara smiled and stuffed her mobile in the small pocket of her suit.

They all waited for Supergirl. J’onn insisted on her being present, but Supergirl had disappeared and no one had an idea where she had gone. Somehow everyone expected Alex to know, but she just uttered some shady explanations. Lena was close to offering to ask Kara, who had finally answered her texts, when Supergirl landed in the ready room with a hollow thud. The floor vibrated and a second later Supergirl stood next to Lena. Hands placed on her hips, her head high.  
„Sorry.” Her hair was tousled and she seemed unusually rushed. But she was still able to have an aura of quiet confidence. Until she stuttered: „I got distracted. Somehow.”  
J’onn lifted his eyebrows: „Distracted? You’re going to have to explain that later. There are more urgent matters at the moment.”  
He looked at her with a mixture of a dad who was really pissed at his daughter being late and a boss who was annoyed by an unreliable employee. Lena found that kind of amusing, because Supergirl was neither. She was the girl of steel, she didn’t have to obey to anyone. But besides her strength, sometimes everyone here treated her like a little sister. It was an odd mixture that Lena had never noticed before. But to be honest, she had never actually seen anyone really interact with Supergirl when not being in a complete crisis.  
„Okay. Let’s get down to business! As I already explained earlier this week, we have a case of disappearing people. Up to yesterday twelve humans disappeared without a trace. Today the FBI transferred matters to us, because three registered aliens are missing too. Winn, can you continue?”  
A arragement of statistics and pictures appeared on the screens above their heads.  
„Yes, Sir! Well, as you can see. These are the fifteen individuals. There are no similarities whatsoever. They were all seen the last time at different places in the city and well, that’s probably the only similarity: They were all seen the last time around noon. We already checked the available security footage, but found nothing suspicious.”  
J’onn turned to them. „We’ve got a lot of data. I thought maybe Winn and Lena could work on an algorithm to find something that those people have in common. Alex and I are going to question friends and family of the victims. And Supergirl could patrol the city for a while. There are two hours left until noon, plenty of time to check the perimeter.”  
Lena was not really excited to work with Winn. He was a nice and funny guy. He was probably the only one in the room who could challange her intellect, but he was too loud and too nerdy to be pleasant to work with. Everyone left to start working except for Supergirl. She stared intendly at the screen. Lena watched her. This stern and concentrated gaze seemed familiar and Lena tried to relate it, but failed. Supergirl was obviously really worried, the muscles in her jaw worked. The hands on her hips clenched until her knuckels were white. Her hands, Lena stopped her thoughts. She had the crazy impulse to grab Supergirls hand and feel her skin. She shook the thought off. Where did that come from? Supergirls skin, it seemed so rough and hard. And at the knuckles it was dry and a bit torn. Like Karas hands. They looked so familiar. They looked like… Lena could not finish her thought, because Supergirl turned to her. Her presence was suddenly stunning and instead of feeling angry Lena felt drawn to Supergirl.  
„I’m still sorry”, Supergirl said with her voice lowered.  
„I know. And I am still angry.”  
„I know.” She nodded, but didn’t turn away. „What can I do to change that? I would like to change it.”  
„Trust me.” There was some sort of pull Lena didn’t understand. The sound of Supergirls voice echoed in her ears. There was a melody in her words that was again strangely familiar. The pull to Supergirl grew stronger the longer Lena looked into her bright blue eyes.  
„I trust you. I told you million times.” Supergirl sighed and Lena felt a fleeting bit cold on her own skin as if Supergirl had exhaled with too much intensity.  
„But you don’t act like it. You hurt me. You know I’m not Lex, but you treat me as if I could be.”  
„I would never …” Supergirl stopped dead and swallowed her words. She lowered her gaze an sighed. „I’m sorry.”  
Lena stepped away, she couldn’t bear Supergirls closeness anymore. She heard Winn calling for her.  
„Let’s do our job, okay?”  
When she left, she pulled her mobile from the backpocket of her jeans. God, how she looked forward to seeing Kara for lunch.


	3. Old and new wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am writing this for all those who are stuck somewhere because of the pandemic, for all those who need distraction from everyday life and all the creeps that sneak so invisibly into our everyday life.   
> It's not fancy literature. I just want to entertain you, give you a good time and actually distract myself because I find the current time so horrible.  
> If it says here, something violent is going to happen. Yes, it is, but very little and only as much as it is necessary for the story. Nothing bad happens here, only good, only pleasant. That's just what we all need right now.   
> Enjoy!

\- Sorry I have to cancel our lunch. An informant called. Sorry. -  
It took a while. But Lenas answer came. - Ok, there’s some emergency here, too. Maybe dinner? -  
\- Yes! -  
Of course. She looked forward to seeing Lena as Kara. Even though her guilty conscience raised its ugly head again. She had lied again. There was no informant. Kara stood on the edge of the roof of the CatCo building watching over the city. Something had changed between Lena und her last night and now that she thought about it, there might have been something dormant that had been woken by their time apart. She couldn’t say that Lena had never watched her like she did last night, that she had never held her glance a second oder two longer than necessary, that she didn’t unconsciously had bit her lip, when Lena smiled at her. And now her perspective had changed. She realized that she was doing all this and that she could not stop doing it. And she realized that Lena did the same. Just the same. She now understood those looks and gestures. But she still wouldn't name them. She needed Lena's friendship. No matter what the cost.  
An when they met this morning, when Lena met Supergirl, Kara sensed that Lenas behaviour had changed. Just as if she couldn't resist Supergirl as she couldn't resist Kara. Her anger had died down, but Kara sensed that disappointment had paved its way out. And if there was one thing she didn't want, it was that Lena was disappointed, because there was more that would disappoint her: If she learned that Kara was Supergirl and she had lied all along.  
Kara felt sick. There was no way this would end well.   
Compared to the turmoil in her thoughts the city was quite calm. There had been nothing suspicious so far. Kara flew a few rounds over parts of the city that were hot spots of crime, took some leaps and turns over the nice middle class neighbourhoods and returned to CatCo and the busy city center. Nothing, even though all her senses told her that something was off. After the crisis with Reign, a battle that was won thanks to Lena, there had been no major incidents. Which was great, but mostly a sign that something dark was growing in the shadows of normality.   
A crackle that no human would have heard caught her attention. Kara concentrated and tried to detect the direction from which that strange sound came from. South! She set off and flew straight towards the sound. It sounded like electricity burning between two poles. A sound not natural, but man or alien made. The crackle grew louder for another second than it died out. Kara came to a halt and searched the ground beneath her. It was a narrow alley between two old skyscrapers at the edge of the city centre. As a bright light flashed through its shadows, Kara dived down to the ground. She heard incomprehensible screams, words, orders. Angry voices mingled with the fearful ones. When her feet finally touched the ground, she saw two massive men who tried to abduct a woman, a human. The hadn’t noticed her, so she used these seconds to take a deep breath and when she was ready to release the ice storm that would stop this kidnapping, something hit her.  
„Supergirl!” Another guy from the back shouted. Kara hadn’t seen him. „Watch out!”  
Again something hit her, but instead of feeling nothing, like she usually did, when bullets hit her, a deep, surging pain shot through her shoulder. He shot again and as the bullets hit her, Kara sank down on her knees. Kryptonite. The pain clouded her senses.   
„Let’s go! Let’s go!”  
When she touched her shoulder she felt blood. She looked down on her abdomen and saw blood. She rose to her feet, gritting her teeth, when the black car disappeared into the shadows. She would bleed to death if she didn’t get back to the DEO. The pain was numbing her thoughts. It didn’t burn like kryptonite, she couldn’t see the green poison quiver under her skin, but there was nothing else that could have hurt her. She panicked anyway.  
Without a word, she jumped into the sky and let her last bit of strength carry her to the DEO.   
„Kara! Kara?” Were the last words she heard, before her mind went to auto-pilot.

Supergirl hit the big windows above the ready room like a canonball. She crashed through the glass and hit the ground hard. When Lena saw the blood pooling under her lifeless body, an icy shiver ran down her spine.   
„Oh my god!”   
Immediately agents and doctors surrounded Supergirl.   
„Get her to the laboratory!” Alex’ face was white whith shock and Lena herself could barely contain her horror.   
They put supergirl on a stretcher and Lena followed Alex and the others to the lab. When Alex noticed her, she stopped dead in her tracks: „You know there’s only one thing in this world that could hurt her.” Lenas throat went dry, she couldn’t answer and Alex didn’t give her enough time, instead the rushed both into the laboratory.   
Solar lamps had already been placed around Supergirl and Alex inspected her wounds.   
„Lena? Where’s Lena?” Supergirl stuttered and Lena was shocked to hear her say her name. She reacted out of pure instinct.  
„I’m here.”  
Supergirls eyelids fluttered. „I’m sorry, I trust you.” She muttered half fainted.   
„It can’t be kryptonite.” Lena said trying to keep her voice firm and steady. „It can’t be.”  
Alex had opened Supergirls suit and started pulling out bulletes from her shoulder. Lena almost winced with every click a bullet made on the metal plate Alex used to collect them. She had to leave. She had to regain her composure to help. As disappointed and angry she was, she had to make sure that she had been truthful that there was no more krypotnite. When she wanted to leave, Supergirl grabbed her hand. Her grip was like steel.   
„Don’t. I trust you. Okay? Say it’s okay!”  
Alex sighed deeply. „Hold still!”  
Supergirls grip seemed to only become tighter. Lena felt her fingers, felt the soft skin between them and the torn skin on her knuckels. Her mind went blank. The feeling of Supergirl holding her hand felt natural. The feeling of her skin felt familar under her fingertips. She held her breath, didn’t allow herself to finish any thought and turned around.  
„It’s okay”, she whispered and left. She just left and Supergirl let her hand go. But still, it felt like neverending seconds that their fingers touched, gently brushed across each other until their fingertips finally touched and then nothing but emptiness remained.  
When Lena had left the laboratory, she stopped in the hallway and pulled her mobile from her pocket. She took a few deep and calming breath, then her features darkend with anger. The release of her anger was just a short dial away.  
„Jess, I want a list of all scientists and other personell that was engaged with the production and research on kryptonite. No matter how small their contribution to the project was, everyone up to purchasing, accounting, building management and security. Simply everyone. Not just the senior staff. Additionally: Get the senior staff to my office, everyone who is not there in two hours, is fired and sued.”  
She took another deep breath and tried to stay calm. „And inform legal about possible law suits concerning our confidentiality agreements with employees.”  
Lena couldn’t stand the thought that she probably wasn’t truthful to Supergirl. All her own anger was based on her believe that she was loyal and honest and Supergirl didn’t believe in her integrity. If she had to learn that there had been a breach in her kryptonite research, she couldn’t guarantee for the consequences of her wrath. But she knew she needed help, so she after her call, she continued her way to the ready room, where J’onn watched the screens with a worried look on his face.  
„J’onn, can I have a word please?”  
J’onn turned around, his mind obviously occupied with something else. He nodded absently.  
„I need your help.”

When Kara finally woke up, she felt nauseaus and her upper body was sore and hurt. She opened her eyes and took a few deep breaths, because every move seemed to rattle and spike through her lungs.   
„Don’t get up, Kara! You’re not fully healed.”   
Alex was suddenly next to her and pressed her back to the bed. Kara didn’t answer and sank back into the pillow.  
„I know you want to, but please just lay still and wait. You’re healing but not as fast as usual.”  
„Where’s Lena? Have you told her that there was no Kryptonite involved?”  
Alex leaned on the table behind her and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was worried, Kara could see it in the way Alex couldn’t look her in the eye.   
„Actually we’re not so sure of that. The bullets hit you as if you were human. There had to be Kryptonite involved. Lena is at L Corp, J’onn is with her. They’re trying to find out if there was a information breach in her project. She was worried and very … very angry.”  
Kara sighed. A few weeks ago she would have been furious. Now she was absolutely sure that Lena was loyal and instead of accusing her of unfaithfulness, she wanted to be with her, comfort her and encourage her in her search for the truth. Even though she new all-business and professional Lena wouldn’t want to be comforted.   
„But even if there is, it’s not Lenas. I’m sure.”  
„I know. She pulled out all the stops to find out if something was wrong at L Corp. The problem is. I didn’t find any Kryptonite on the bullets.”  
„That’s what I felt, too. There was no Kryptonite.”  
„Or so little you couldn’t feel it and I couldn’t detect it. Winn is already recalibrating the equiment. Maybe with more sensitivity to Kryptonite we’ll find something. Actually it’s now really useful that Lena had something left she could give us.”  
Kara sighed and closed her eyes. Maybe there really wasn’t any time in her life for living a normal life. 

It took Kara another four boring and mind-numbing hours to regain most of her strength. When she lay at home on her couch and stared at the ceiling while an old movie played in the background, just her shoulders were still a little bit sore. She drifted into sleep a few times, but always woke up, thinking of Lena who had just sent a short note to cancel their dinner. Kara orderd a few pizzas and decided to ignore ever ill thought she had about the day. Instead she allowed herself to think of Lena in a way which she neither had thought possible nor admitted weeks ago. And everytime her tiredness won the battle in her conscience, that last thing she saw and felt was Lena hugging her. Just hugging, because she didn’t dare to imagine anything beyond a long hug. a really long and tight hug.   
She had just been dozing off a little when there was a knock at her door. It didn’t really startle her, but it took her a few seconds longer to stand up and walk to the door. A second knock followed just before she could open the door.   
„Lena!” Now she was startled and her hand instinctively check, if she had her glasses on. She had.  
„Hi, I’m sorry. I don’t want to bother you. I just wanted to see a friendly face before returning home.”  
Kara wanted to ask, it Jimmy wasn’t there, but she didn’t get a chance. Lena pulled her into a hug. A long and tight hug. Kara closed her eyes, her hands touched Lenas shoulders. No, her body touched Lenas. Every inch seemed to be pressed into Lenas form. And they just fitted. It felt warm and unsetteling to be this close to Lena. For the first time Kara realised what hugging Lena did to her. Something hot and heavy dropped into her stomach. She felt sick and intoxicated. And then she heard Lenas heart beating. She had never heard it this close, this loud, even though she had hugged Lena hundred times before. It beat quicklier with every second they were hugging. Kara felt Lenas breath at her neck and she smiled when she opened her eyes and saw that Lena was standing on her tiptoes. Then Lena released her.  
„Sorry, I’m just …”  
Kara nodded. „It’s okay.”   
She closed the door and Lena left her bag and her coat on a chair in the kitchen.  
„Have you eaten? There’s pizza left.”  
Lena smiled. „Really? You didn’t all pizza you ordered?”  
„I’m tired.”  
„Do you want me to go?”  
For just a moment Lenas expression changed dismissive, then she seemd to regain her composure.   
„No of course not. Sit down and have pizza.”  
It was quite unusual to see Lena kind of insecure and reserved. Kara loved that Lena was strong and confident, but somehow it was fascinating to see that she had a softer side. It triggered Karas Superhero attitude: She wanted to rescue the damsel in distress, hold her and tell her everthing is fine. The thought made her uncomfortable and excited the same time. And this feeling only changed when Lena told her about her day and how she had almost all her staff personally rounded up and interrogated with J’onns help until she herself was too exhausted for another conversation. Lena was a badass in her job and Kara almost stumbled over the thought that she found that really … hot. And that was what her face became as soon as the thought had manifested in her conscience. Lena still smiled at her, watched her and now Kara realized that their conversation had stopped and that they were just looking at each other.   
„Thanks for the pizza. And the talk.”  
„Anything.”  
„No really. I just feel safe here. With you and in your appartment.”  
„I like having you here.” Kara smiled her best confident smile. It was almost, but just almost her Supergirl-smile.  
„But it’s late and I have to leave.”  
„I know. It’s okay.”   
„Let’s try dinner again, tomorrow, ok?”  
Kara nodded. They said their goodbyes and the second hug turned out to be as confusing as the first one. Lenas beating heart made her knees weak and her head spinn. Lenas Hands on her sore shoulders felt like heaven. When Kara closed the door behind Lena, she knew she wouldn’t get a goodnights sleep.


	4. Sore Feelings

When Kara woke up the next morning she felt exhausted, even though she slept solid nine hours. When she opened her eyes and leaned on her hands, a piercing pain shot through her shoulders. She couldn’t enjoy the warm rays of sunshine, that fell through the window into her bedroom. Pain was still foreign to her, even after her fights with Reign. She immediately surrendered to the feeling and groaning let herself fall back into the pillows. Panic was not an option. Closing her eyes she tried to concentrate on the warmth of the sun, on the quiteness of her appartment and then her mind drifted and memories of Lena flodded her thoughts.   
„No… really”, she mumbled to herself, „no. Not now.”   
It annoyed her that these thoughts came back over and over again. She knew that the time would come when she had to deal with it. She would then have no other choice. But now, she had no energy for it. She just wanted some normalcy back. Everything that the Reign crisis had cost her, she wanted it back. Especially Lena and her friendship. And there it was again: she stumbled on that word again. Friendship. And somewhere deeply buried in her subconscious she thought of dozens of other words that she didn't allow herself to say out loud.   
The pain subsided. But Kara didn't dare to lean on her hands again, she swung her legs out of bed, stretched carefully and stood up. Unlike usual, she did not have breakfast. She drank a glass of water and cursed a little with every movement about how heavy and immobile her body felt. Maybe there was kryptonite in her body. Somehow processed? Enhanced?

Her flight to the DEO took longer than usual. She arrived late and almost everybody in the readyroom looked at her suspiciously, when she entered. Especially Alex couldn’t hide her worried glance, while discussing something with J’onn. Winn was busy with his calculations and quickly returned his look to the screens in front of him. Even Lena watched her longer than usual and didn’t continue helping Winn.   
„Sorry, I’m late.” Kara said and stopped at the round table in the middle of the room. Instead of leaning on her hands when standing close to it, she put her hands on her hips and tried to appear sorted and ready for work. She would tell Alex in private that her whole body seemed to ache with every move.   
When J’onn adressed her and she couldn’t recall what he had said, she realised that she had been staring at Lena. Again. And Lena had stared at her, too.   
„Supergirl? Are you listening?”  
Kara shook her head. „No … yes, yes I am. Of course.”  
J’onn rolled his eyes and sighed. „The interviews at the company have yielded nothing. Lena, with Winn's help, is analyzing the company's connection data. Maybe that’ll help.”  
„And the similarity algorithm will probably have checked all data on the missing people by noon.” Winn shouted from the back.  
J’onn nodded. „We’ll continue the interviews later. But if there was a breach I suppose that those people were no amateurs.”  
„But you haven’t found Kryptonite, did you?”  
Now Alex stepped forward. Arms crossed in front of her chest, her look serious and worried. A look Kara didn’t like.  
„Actually we did. With the newly calibrated equipment, we were able to detect traces of Kryptonite on the bullets. Minimal, but obviously enough to make sure that the bullets can hurt you.”  
Kara didn’t look at Alex. She watched Lenas reaction. But Lena didn’t really react at all. In fact she looked cold and tired. Her anger from yesterday was barely visible. Kara hadn’t expected that this revelation shocked Lena, but she had expected a little bit more worry or even remorse. Something. Lena went to the table, but kept quiet. Kara felt sick, seeing this cold professionalism ooze out of her behaviour. She knew it was Lenas way to cope and to stay strong in all the storms the corporate world forced on her. But with this findings she didn’t want professional Lena close to her, she wanted the approachable and easygoing version of her.   
Kara sighed. „That explains how I feel. My body hurts”, she admitted. „my limbs are aching like hell and I cannot really move properly without hurting. That’s why I was late. Can there still by Kryptonite in my system?”  
Now Lena reacted. For a second her glance changed from cold to worried.   
„Normally I would say no. But some bullets stuck deep into your muscles, so it might be possible that there are some traces left and your body has difficulties processing them. Let’s check that in the lab!”  
Kara nodded. „So there has definitely been a breach at L-Corp.”  
„We can’t be sure of that”, Lena finally said. „Until now we haven’t found any traces of a breach. Nothing.”  
She watched Kara carefully, but remained calm. From the darkening color of her green eyes Kara could say that, even though Lena looked calm, she was on the brink of exploding. Question was: Why?  
„Lena, there has to be. There is no other Kryptonite left on earth.”  
Lenas cold demanour changed, her anger made its way out.  
„You can’t be sure of that. I know you don’t trust me, you don’t trust L-Corp. But I assure you, no Kryptonite has left my company without me knowing it. And if it did, I am going to find out.”  
„I … trust you”, suddenly those words were again hard to say, „I do. But I cannot accept that there is Kryptonite here … on earth. Anywhere. And I don’t care if you find out who stole it or made it or whatever. I want the Kryptonite. You don’t know how I feel. How I felt the whole night. My body hurts. I can’t move propperly. I’m no help here if I don’t heal. I actually do not know what the Kryptonite will destroy in my body. Do you understand that?”  
Lena stepped closer to her. They weren’t eye to eye concerning their height, but they were concering their anger, their passion and their will to be the stronger one in this discussion. The sudden closeness to Lena made Kara hold her breath. She wanted to scream but not of desperation.   
„You and your god complex. You cannot stand to be weak for a second. I cannot help you with that. But I promise you I will find the Kryptonite source. I don’t need your trust. Really, I fine without it, but I need my clean conscience.”  
Kara looked at her. Heard Lenas heart hammering in her chest as if it was the only sound in the room. She didn’t want Lena to be angry and this off balance. But she couldn’t change how she felt either. Yes, she didn’t want to be weak as Supergirl. She already was weak as Kara on so many levels. She couldn’t risk that any kind weakness became part of her being a hero. Heros are not weak. Never.   
Kara left with Alex to got to the lab without any other word. 

Lena left the DEO for lunch. She needed to see a friendly face. She was so angry, that Supergirl obviously still didn’t trust her. She tried to understand her fear, but it was hard to imagine a life without any form of pain and weakness. So it was probably a lost cause to try to imagine what Kryptonite meant to Supergirl. On the other hand seeing Supergirl kind of desperate and in pain was disturbing Lena on a very basic level. Suddenly Lena was more worried than angry. And the stark contrast to the fierceness with which Supergirl demanded to get earth rid of Kryptonite while being in danger was fascinating. She was reasonable enough to realise that she felt oddly drawn to Supergirl. And the thought got weirder if she thought about it and became self-aware of the fact that it had started when she had met Kara again after a few weeks. She liked Kara, she could admit that. She longed to see Kara, to be close to her, to be enveloped in her kindness and optimism. And that too was a strange thought, because Kara was her friend and she was too good, too loving for someone as cold and distanced as Lena was. Something inside Lena was resisting liking her more, wanting her more. On an emotional level being friends was a save bet. Anything else was out of bounds. But Supergirl was so strong-willed, stubborn and tough, she could keep Lena in check and Lena liked measuring her strength with Supergirls, maybe that was the reason she felt drawn to her, she was kind of the opposite to Kara.   
Lena sighed and tried to let go of those thoughts. It seemed that at the moment everything just took more and more of her energy. She was tired, but there were so many things she had to do, organize and clarify that she needed days with more than 24 hours. When she reached the small café close to CatCo she already saw Kara sitting in the sun, waiting for her.   
Kara smiled at her. Her smile was less enthusastic than usual, Lena noticed that, but she smiled and it took a part of Lenas worries away. They fell into their usual banter, asking how they felt and how their day was and really meaning it.   
Lena had to smile when Kara ordered an obscene Pastrami sandwich and a salad with extra nuts.   
„I wish I had your metabolism.”  
„Honestly I think you wouldn’t want it if you knew how it felt to be hungry all the time.”  
They held each others glances for a while and remained silent. Lena watched closely how Kara stopped chewing, swallowed, smiled, bit her lower lip, smiled and turned her glance away for just a second. And all this happened in slow motion, at least in Lenas perception. She didn’t realise, but her gaze had gotten sadder, because Kara suddenly asked: „Everything okay? I know you said you’re stressed out. But … there’s more to it … I … I can see it.”  
Lena sighed.   
„Yes. Everything’s okay. I can’t really talk about it, you know.”  
„Supergirl?”  
Lena just nodded and noted that Kara had stopped eating and smiling. She looked at Lena intendly and seemed to be searching for words, when Lena didn’t answer. And strangely enough, she remained speechless. The reporter in her seemed to find no words to ask further questions or simply give advice, as she had done before. Only now did Lena realize that her last conversations had never been about Kara. A little, sometimes, about work and Mon-El, but not much. It was always about Lena's new responsibilities and Supergirl.  
„Yes and so much more. I've been putting off talking to James for weeks. I can't be with him anymore, I never really was, but I owe him an honest answer. And then there's the work that's draining the last of my energy. I'm just tired.”  
„I understand. But I don’t know what to do to help you.”  
Lena grab Karas hand across the table and held it for a few moments. She smiled.  
„You help by listening and I hope you can stand me moping around a little longer.”  
„I can. But you shouldn’t let yourself be drained, I’m sure you’re doing a great job. Don’t be so hard on yourself. And concerning James … I … I honestly don’t know what to say.”  
Lena smiled. „That’s kind of the reason why I haven’t already talked to him.”  
Finally Kara started eating again. When she ate the last big bite of her sandwich, Lena said: „That’s the wrong moment, to ask you to tell me more about your week?”   
Kara nodded, smiling, as far as it was possible with her mouth full. Then she swallowed and answered: „A little more exciting than I expected. But otherwise quite good. Alex and I are planning another game night. We all need a little diversion. If we have a date, I'll let you know. It might do you good to see something other than offices and labs and... Supergirl.”  
She had tried so hard to not bring Supergirl up, but Kara seemed to alway bring her up again. Supergirl. Lena couldn’t avoid her.   
„Yes, probably. But I even though I don’t want to. I have to think about Supergirl at the moment. There are … challanges that only I can seem to … win concerning her. And I want to. I want to help and I want … I want her to trust me.”  
Kara just nodded silently and shoved her salad to the side. It seemed she had lost her appetite.   
„I can’t imagige that she doesn’t trust you. Really.”  
„She does not. Just the word Kryptonite makes her jumpy and angry. She seems to think she is some god-like creature. And do you know, what worries me most?”  
Kara shook her head.   
„That I can actually see that goddess in her. She is invincible and it makes me extremely nervous when I see … ahm, imagine her in pain. I can’t stand it. I feel the need to help her. Even though I’m furious because of her behavior.”  
It felt good saying these words, but it puzzled her how Kara reacted. She froze and watched Lena.   
Finally she whispered: „That’s what friends are for, aren’t they. To help and forgive if times are hard.”  
„I am not friends with Supergirl. I mean I probably should be, but …”  
Lena felt silly saying this. She was at a point where she was unable to name her feelings. Everything was mixed up and complicated and she stopped reasoning why. She just accepted the turmoil and tried to ignore it.   
Kara didn’t say anything more, she just finished her salad.   
„I should get going”, Lena said, when the tension became unbearable. She had felt that Kara became more distanced the longer they talked and she didn’t like like. She hated it. Usually it was Kara who initiated a hug, but this time when they said goodbye, Lena pulled Kara into a hug and held her, to long and obviously to fierce, because Kara winced and shoved Lena away.  
„What? What’s wrong?”  
Lena saw that Karas shoulders were tense and her features revealed an unusual amout of pain. But Kara just shrugged it off.  
„It’s nothing. Just some … sore muscles … I … I tried doing push-ups this morning.”  
„Push-ups?” Lena raised her eyebrows, but just got an nod as an answer. Kara left with a short bye and a last glance. And when Lena watched her leave, she noticed, that she had heard a lot about sore muscles today. What reminded her of Supergirl, who was probably already waiting for the results of the analysis she started this morning. Something was off and she couldn’t put her finger on. All she knew at the moment was, that she really wanted to help. And that was strange enough.


End file.
